Birthday Thoughts

I have written and rewritten this post too many times to count. The truth is, I approached my birthday anxiously, afraid that it would be a keen reminder of all the things I haven't accomplished/changed/achieved yet. One less year to be "30 under 30" (for what? Ha). One less year to "figure it out" (because that's supposed to be completed by 30, right?). One more year to remember all the ways I'm still the same person I was 364 days ago, in all the ways I don't want to still be the same, and different in few areas I thought would change. And yet, God in his graciousness buoyed me from the moment I awoke with words of affirmation and love, from so many people. God's compassion was exemplified in every note, post, and text I received. His faithfulness was real in the conversations and laughter I experienced today. I am humbled and so grateful for everyone who showed me kindness and love today. It felt underserved, and so appreciated. And i am struck by something I have been wrestling with a lot recently: how are my days, my year, my life, bringing God glory?  This is what matters in this next year. Not my goals, accolades, or success. Not my failures either. If God is  this loving and compassionate to me, how am I using my spaces of time to bring glory to his name? How am I loving others in a way that makes them feel just as encouraged as I have today? So instead of thinking of this next year as an opportunity to become something greater, I'm asking to become something less. It's not what my flesh wants to wish for as I blow out today's candles, but it's what my heart knows I need. Less of me, more of you, Jesus. I have written and rewritten this post too many times to count. The truth is, I approached my birthday anxiously, afraid that it would be a keen reminder of all the things I haven't accomplished/changed/achieved yet. One less year to be "30 under 30" (for what? Ha). One less year to "figure it out" (because that's supposed to be completed by 30, right?). One more year to remember all the ways I'm still the same person I was 364 days ago, in all the ways I don't want to still be the same, and different in few areas I thought would change. And yet, God in his graciousness buoyed me from the moment I awoke with words of affirmation and love, from so many people. God's compassion was exemplified in every note, post, and text I received. His faithfulness was real in the conversations and laughter I experienced today. I am humbled and so grateful for everyone who showed me kindness and love today. It felt underserved, and so appreciated. And i am struck by something I have been wrestling with a lot recently: how are my days, my year, my life, bringing God glory?  This is what matters in this next year. Not my goals, accolades, or success. Not my failures either. If God is  this loving and compassionate to me, how am I using my spaces of time to bring glory to his name? How am I loving others in a way that makes them feel just as encouraged as I have today? So instead of thinking of this next year as an opportunity to become something greater, I'm asking to become something less. It's not what my flesh wants to wish for as I blow out today's candles, but it's what my heart knows I need. Less of me, more of you, Jesus.